I’ve been coaching Theo for a few years now and I really enjoy our sessions for a number of reasons. Firstly, he’s a highly intelligent guy and I always walk away feeling like I have learned something new from our conversations. But Theo is also a seasoned professional contractor which means that during any 12-month period I might find myself coaching him in at least three or four different work settings.
Over the years I have known him, Theo has completed several very senior contract roles in publishing, media, telecommunications, not-for-profit, state government, and more recently in higher education. In fact, he has recently started a 12-month contract at one of Australia’s top universities.
I’d known about this contract for a while because when we’d caught up back in September, he was weighing up two opportunities and he had raised a potential concern that if he went with this particular gig, his supervisor would actually be a friend. Not a super close friend, but still a friend, nonetheless. We’d discussed the pros and cons, and he had chosen to take this one even though the other opportunity was offering more money, because he felt that this contract would be more interesting and was more aligned to his values.
We caught up last week and I asked him how he was settling in even though from experience I have learned that there really is no time to ‘settle in’ when starting a contract at his level and that he’s pretty much expected to hit the ground running every time.
“To be honest it’s been a pretty rocky start”, he said. “On day three I even started to think that it might be time to retire”.
“We both know you wouldn’t know what to do with yourself”, I said, trying to keep the conversation light-hearted, even though I knew that there was clearly something deeper going on if Theo had been ‘rocked’.
“Remember how I mentioned Ambrose and I have known each other for a long time …”, he continued.
“Sure”, I said. “And that he was actually the one who recommended you to the recruitment panel”.
“That’s him”, Theo continued. “But even though I’m a grown man with thick skin, I just can’t work him out and it’s really thrown me. On my first day he was carrying on like we were second best friends, but since then it’s either been death stares or acting like I’m not even there”.
Whilst we spent the bulk of our session discussing how to approach the sensitive situation from Theo’s perspective, it was also a reminder to me about the many challenges leaders face when they find themselves in a position where they are managing a friend or perhaps even a relative.
Building a successful team is a critical aspect of effective leadership, and sometimes that process can involve leading friends or family members.
Although this can bring a unique dynamic into the workplace, it can also present challenges that require careful navigation to maintain a balance between personal relationships and professional responsibilities. There are various practical strategies leaders should take into consideration to successfully manage and lead friends in order to foster an inclusive and transparent environment where everyone feels valued and has equal opportunities for growth and success.
For a start, before making hiring decisions, as a leader it’s essential to assess whether bringing a friend into the team aligns with the organisational culture and the specific needs of the business. Consider the friend’s skills, experience, and work style to ensure a good fit within the existing dynamics.
The goal is to strike a balance where the personal relationship enhances, rather than hinders, the professional environment.
Having said that, I remember many years ago when I found myself in a situation where a very good friend of mine would have been absolutely perfect for a critical role I was looking to fill in my business. Even though her skill set and previous experience were spot on, I ended up going with another candidate, simply because I didn’t want to muddy the waters between friendship and leadership. To this day I have absolutely no regrets.
Clear and transparent communication is the foundation of any successful professional relationship. If you are seriously considering hiring a friend, have a frank conversation with them about expectations, potential challenges, and how you both envision the dynamic evolving. Establishing mutual understanding from the outset will help prevent potential misunderstandings later on down the track. But it’s also essential to be transparent with the rest of the team, making it clear from the get-go that you are thinking about recruiting a friend or that someone joining the team is in fact a friend (or perhaps a family member) of yours. If you don’t, they will find out eventually.
Establishing clear boundaries is crucial when transitioning from a personal to a professional relationship.
This will ensure that the professional environment remains focused on productivity and maintains a level of formality appropriate for the workplace. After all, one of the primary challenges when managing friends is the perception of favouritism. To counteract this, leaders must adhere to fair and consistent decision-making processes, ensuring that all team members (including friends) are treated fairly.
Leaders must model professionalism in their interactions with friends at work including avoiding preferential treatment or sharing overly personal information. At the same time, this certainly shouldn’t mean that you alienate or isolate those friends as Theo’s supervisor had clearly done. Simply adhere to the same standards of behaviour expected from all your team members.
The tips I’m sharing are, for the most part, aimed at leaders within the public sector and corporate workplaces. Naturally there is the case of running a family business when many team members may well be close or extended family members. This comes with its own set of unique challenges, as personal and professional relationships intertwine. However, family businesses can also create a supportive and productive environment that separates family matters from professional issues, fostering long-term success for both the business and the family.
Navigating the challenges of leading friends requires a delicate balance between managing personal relationships and professional responsibilities.
This requires a high level of emotional intelligence, clear communication, and a commitment to maintaining a fair and professional work environment for all team members.
By carefully evaluating fit, maintaining open communication, and setting clear expectations, leaders can create a workplace where friends contribute positively to the team’s success. Establishing boundaries, avoiding favouritism, and promoting a positive team culture are essential steps in building a strong a cohesive team dynamic.
Ultimately, effective leadership in this context involves leading by example, promoting individual and team growth, and celebrating achievement of all team members including friends or family members. With thoughtful consideration and proactive measures, leaders can successfully lead friends, creating a work environment that is both productive and supportive.
Remember, hellomonday can provide support to every leader, reinforcing habits through curated learning and impactful coaching, helping leaders create an inclusive and innovative work environment where all voices are heard and valued and where personal relationships do not compromise the integrity of their leadership.
