Thankfully it doesn’t happen too often, because when it does, I have to admit it can sometimes feel a bit weird. But just before the Christmas holiday break, I did find myself in one of ‘those’ situations – when the executive sponsor of one of my coaching candidates suggested that the three of us meet for a debrief and reflection on the previous six months.
I’d been working with JoAnna since June and the bulk of our coaching sessions had centred around the challenges she kept coming up against with her boss … the person who had scheduled the meeting.
This certainly wasn’t my first rodeo and having been trapped in this awkward dynamic a few times before, I have developed a set of ground rules around what can and cannot be discussed and had shared them ahead of the call. JoAnna’s manager had clearly been a bit put off by my email and had said she was more interested in a high-level conversation. I had still reiterated that what gets discussed during any coaching session is confidential.
As we waited for Melinda to join the Zoom call, I could see that JoAnna was extremely uncomfortable, and I reassured her that I would keep my responses fairly vague and definitely wouldn’t disclose anything she had shared with me during our coaching sessions.
Melinda was about 10 minutes late to the call and didn’t even apologise. Her tardiness and lack of respect for other people’s time had actually been one of the first frustrations JoAnna had raised with me several months earlier, so at least I got to witness it first-hand. Melinda reiterated that she was keen to get both JoAnna’s and my feedback on the coaching experience and would then consider whether it might be of value to other members of her team.
The first few questions Melinda had prepared were directed at me and she seemed fairly satisfied with my responses, and I was even able to ask her a few questions, too. But when she shifted gears and asked JoAnna a question, I could see JoAnna revert to a bundle of nerves.
To be honest I can’t recall Melinda’s specific question, nor can I recall JoAnna’s exact response. However, Melinda’s reaction has stuck.
“You’re always such a disappointed optimist, JoAnna”.
JoAnna and I must have both had the same confused look on our faces.
“I’m just being radically candid”, Melinda continued.
And that was when I had to step in.
At its core, radical candour is about striking a balance between caring personally and challenging directly in professional relationships.
It is a communication concept introduced by Kim Scott in her book, “Radical Candour: Be a Kick-ass Boss Without Losing Your Humanity” and focuses on providing honest and direct feedback to others while also genuinely caring about their well-being.
I often refer to Kim Scott’s book in my leadership workshops and I also bring the concept of radical candour into many of my coaching sessions as a technique for promoting growth, building trust, and fostering relationships within a team.
Melinda had just humiliated JoAnna in front of me and yet had claimed she was demonstrating radical candour.
She was wrong and had been totally inappropriate.
In her book, Kim Scott categorises feedback into four quadrants as outlined below:
• Ruinous Empathy
• Manipulative Insincerity
• Obnoxious Aggression
• Radical Candour
Ruinous Empathy is a common pitfall and occurs when a leader cares deeply about an individual but fails to provide honest and direct feedback, hindering professional growth because important issues are never addressed.
Manipulative Insincerity involves insincere praise or veiled criticism, leading to a toxic culture.
Obnoxious Aggression (as demonstrated by Melinda in our three-way ‘feedback’ session) occurs when a leader challenges directly but lacks genuine care for the individual, leading to a hostile working environment and hindering effective communication.
In the ideal state of Radical Candour, leaders provide honest and straightforward feedback while genuinely caring about their team members and showing empathy and support.
While radical candour can certainly help promote growth, build trust, and boost morale within a team setting, many leaders struggle with the idea of practising radical candour.
As a leader, perhaps the idea of being radically candid makes you uncomfortable or awkward. After all, offering direct feedback can often be perceived as confrontational, and in your role (or with your current team) you might fear damaging relationships or creating tension. Maybe you’re worried that being too blunt will make you seem harsh or unlikable resulting in sugar coated feedback or avoiding addressing critical issues directly.
Researchers in the field of organisational development have found that one of the most common reasons leaders avoid providing candid feedback is a result of their own personal struggle or insecurities that their own vulnerabilities will be exposed or that they might be seen as inadequate.
Consider a current situation where you think radical candour might be necessary.
Ask yourself what might get in the way of you being forthright. Think about the state of your current relationship with the individual requiring feedback. What could be the potential response? Could there be backlash? Is the situation actually conducive to radical candour?
It’s important to recognise that different individuals may respond differently to your being radically candid so remember to tailor your approach based on your team member’s preferred communication style. Also be mindful of the difference between your intent and the impact of your words. Ensure that your feedback is received as intended (certainly not the case with Melinda’s comment to JoAnna). Finally, anticipate that not all feedback will be well received and that as a leader you need to be resilient and prepared for potential discomfort or pushback.
By staying mindful of these considerations and preparing for potential challenges, you can navigate the complexities of radical candour more effectively and contribute to a positive and growth-oriented organisational culture.
Having said that, while radical candour can be a valuable approach, there are still some situations where it might be inappropriate or should be handled with sensitivity (which was exactly what I said to Melinda). For example, when providing feedback on personal or sensitive issues, as a leader you should exercise more discretion and empathy; or when criticising someone in a group setting might be humiliating or counterproductive and would be better off being addressed privately.
As we move into the new year, many leaders will be looking to enhance their leadership style and create more meaningful connections within their teams. One powerful approach certainly worth considering is radical candour.
Remember, hellomonday can provide support to every leader, reinforcing habits through curated learning and impactful coaching, helping leaders become more comfortable
practising radical candour and transforming their teams into dynamic, high-performing units that thrive on open communication and shared success.
